The lies that we tell ourselves

The brain is one fickle SOB

Nothing screams holiday cheer like this title hitting your inbox, am I right?! I don’t know, guys. Sometimes inspiration just strikes and I have to write. Especially when the words are just coming to me! And, when my brain is LYING to me and telling me that what I want to write isn’t newsletter-worthy I must ignore it and write on.

I’ve had an idea for a long time to write about body image. Specifically, my body image. I’ve always thought that this newsletter could serve as part public journal, part recipe archive, and part frivolous chit chat about anything and everything else that I want to write about. It’s my newsletter, after all. Plus, once I finally talk about it, maybe my creativity will flow freely again.

For some reason, though, publicly writing about being a plus-sized woman in a world that usually isn’t so cool with people taking up too much space (in a physical sense, of course) scares me. I don’t want to sound whiny, I don’t want to echo what others have written much more eloquently, and I really don’t want any platitudes about being beautiful no matter what or worthy at any size. I never said I wasn’t completely and totally gorgeous, did I?

Ultimately, though, I’m not going to make this whole newsletter about body image. That’s something that I can do in person with friends (or a therapist- anyone have one that they love?!). Frankly, my thoughts on my own body image change daily if not hourly. I have a lot of love for myself and for my body in an overarching “it gets me out of bed, allows me to live a full and happy life, and functions mostly as it should” kind of way. I guess I just wish it wasn’t something I thought about so much. That’s why I’m dedicating some space to it in this newsletter.

The things my brain tells me about my body may be objectively true. But sometimes my brain is soooo MEAN! It didn’t get that way on its own, though. My brain has heard others talking badly about people who “have gained so much weight recently, have y’all noticed?” or who “can’t stand their arms, their waist, their thighs and back rolls”. Maybe someone is talking about how “I just can’t stop eating. I had a huge breakfast and lunch today and I’m about to have a snack too!” My brain wonders if it should be applying the same attitude towards me and how I look. It decides that yes, it should.

But I guess my brain is also informing me on how I should write this newsletter. So, I should cut it a little bit of slack. It’s on my team today. If your brain isn’t on your team today, I will be.

If your brain is telling you that you should really be doing more as the holidays approach, tell it to chill out. It’s only December 3rd. If your brain is telling you that you should get another hobby, pick up a side hustle or at least get off of your phone and read a book- I get it. But I promise, you’re doing enough. If your brain is telling you that you aren’t good at your job or your coworkers don’t like you or you’re wildly under-qualified, tell it to fuck off, because honestly, you’re there. You’re learning. You’re a warm body in a desk chair or behind a counter and sometimes that’s all it really takes.

Don’t let your brain lie to you today, OK?! If you couldn’t tell, I’m talking to myself a little bit as well as you. So, mostly, you’re not alone if your brain has a little guy doing tap dances all over the place now or tomorrow or in three months making you think that you’re not the greatest.

And I know (!!!) I don’t have to end this newsletter with sticky sweet optimism and tie it all up with a bow. But I want to. It’s Christmas. Here’s your present that might make you feel kind of crappy first but then good at the end. Cheers!